We all live in societies where norms and laws dictate everyday decisions. Be it born in the pre-independence era of India or after, it is not surprising that rural girls’ education is stopped at high school (in many cases even before). It is also not surprising when their education is paused until their younger sister also reaches the secondary school so that both girls can travel ‘together’ — for obvious safety reasons.
My grandmom was one of those girls. Born to a village leader as the eldest among four or five I think. Obviously the ancestral (palace like) home was not written to her or split among the siblings, but given to the eldest ‘son’. She was well taught about household chores and stitching — the typically assigned female tasks in the society (even today!). And unsurprisingly married off young to someone who was not consistently present during the time period when their 5 children had to be brought up. In the 1950s-60s endemics were not uncommon, to which she lost three of her children at their young age. As the sole breadwinner she taught stitching, stitched herself and crocheted beautiful outfits, warm clothes and bags. Moved cities, adapted and not just lived, but thrived.
She was shrewd, capable and a leader in her own way.
In the early 90s when I became more aware of her, she was my ‘skushy-mushy’ ‘mee-maw’ cushion like to hug, determined, active and empathetic. I wore sweaters and caps made by her. And I still hold dear her crocheted sling bags. Ingeniously she even crocheted my passport sling because it was not easy for a pick pocketer to cut a woollen handle.
The bags that my grandmom had made for me.
Passport sling fondly crocheted by my grandmom.
When young she apparently used to crochet male vests with simple thread. And then when she shifted to Bengaluru, a cooler city, she was introduced to crocheting with wool. She had her unique style with crochets — bags, purses, throws and window shades particularly. She was creative, innovative and fast with crocheting. I was told that she even reached out to a few bag sellers to collaborate and sell her unique bags and purses.
However neither were her attempts prolonged and persistent nor was the society she interacted with, aware and open minded to go the extra mile to support an old, intelligent woman with potential.
Financial independence was never her goal. She has her ingrained patriarchal beliefs that abstain her from thinking about her individual financial freedom. She is happy to be dependent on her son (not her daughter, my mom). The few attempts to becoming an entrepreneur was only a test of opportunity not a determined goal to be achieved. She has been conditioned to think so and it may take an entire lifetime to unlearn such conditioning and act on new learnings. As she grew into her years of octogenary, her osteoporotic fingers gave up on her crocheting skills. I tried picking them up after her. But in vain. At about 87/88 today, her recent active choice had led her to achieving a certificate of completion for learning the Bhagavat Gita. Other than this, her octogeneric life has been pretty passive since even before the pandemic. Owing to her osteoporosis, bad roads, absence of care services and transportation to temples, and economic powerlessness.
What about her inspired me and transpired into Vayasu.space?
It is everything about her will, her life, her personality and her choices.
As a child I saw a grandmom with extraordinary potential. I often had fleeting thoughts about why she was not attempting to make money with her sweaters and bags. Why rely on her son when she can earn herself and in fact maybe provide additional support to him with her money.
I felt helpless when her osteoporosis challenged her mobility and bad roads or absence of age-friendly transportation denied her from going to the temple many times.
I was disheartened that her neighbourhood friends either passed away or shifted to live with their sons. And now she has no social circle or an extensive emotional support system. Her immediate circle is her son’s family she is living with. These days she spends her time with slokas. Has less to no opportunities to travel or thrive through conversations.
She is content with her life. Doesn’t complain.
But the lack of thought and persistence towards one’s own financial independence,
the deliberate choice to be a dependent and
the absence of agency and support system towards improving ones own social participation —
these made a mark in me.
I think the nation has missed out on a leader who could have empowered individuals with her inspiring approach to life and innovative mindset. And she has missed out on thriving with financial stability.
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At Vayasu we believe that the purpose of each one of us is to live our life to our brain’s potential. However we cannot do that alone. We need an ecosystem that can encourage us to find our potential and thrive with it:
Inspired by WHO’s Active Ageing Ecosystem. Designed by Mohana Priya Babu & Srilakshmi
Tool for active ageing
